Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
