I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
