So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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