she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
