dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He shit in the fireplace
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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