I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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