I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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