He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
