I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
