I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
