OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
