The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Acid is not a monday night drug
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
