i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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