did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
