please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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