Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize