He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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