Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
