Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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