my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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