Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
