Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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