It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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