i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
