fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
