You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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