Acid is not a monday night drug
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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