I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
