Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
