a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
