I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Someone signed my nipple.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
