yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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