your thong is hanging out like whoa
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
