So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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