It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
