i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
