I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
