why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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