There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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