dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize