It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize