Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
