Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
