every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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