can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
