Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
