there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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