I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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