Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
