OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
