He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
