the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
