He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
