I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
