Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize