I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
