she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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