you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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