Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
