Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
