dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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