I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
50% drunk capacity currently
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I need to sanitize my soul.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
