I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
