but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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