finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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