Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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